Five Defense Patterns
If you are the type of person who loves to categorize yourself, then you are going to love the 5 Defense types. These types come from Barbara Ann Brennen’s book “Light Emerging” where she explains the types and how to manage yourself and others with these types of defense patterns. It is super simple to see in people when they are defensive. Though I have to say, they are not well named: Rigid, Schizoid, Oral, Masochistic, and Psychopathic. I typically refer to them by the letters. But remember, these are just descriptors, and they describe patterns for when people are defensive. This is not when they are being their best selves.
If you want to go straight to more information and affirmations for each defense type, they are listed below.
Feel Free To Choose To Be Yourself: Help For The M Defense Type.
P Defense Type: Let Go Of Old Mistakes And Feelings Of Betrayal
For a brief overview of the 5 Defense Patterns—read on! And let’s start with the one I know the best:
R - Rigid - The Ones Who Do What They Are Taught Is Right
My defense type is R, for rigid. I think that this one might be the nicest defense type because what an R does when they are defensive is do whatever they can that is right to make everyone happy. An R might not always do exactly what the right thing is, but they will do their best to do whatever it is they have been taught is the best thing to do. They are the people pleasers of the defense types. They are not likely to argue, and they will take the best action they know how in order to make the conflict better.
The R struggles to know if they are doing whatever it is that they do because it is true to who they are, or if it is just to keep everyone happy or fit in or because that’s all they know. Creativity and thinking outside the box can be a struggle. R’s follow the instructions to avoid conflict.
This has certainly been true for me over the years, and the holistic therapy Emotional Polarity Technique has helped me recognize this and grow more into my own authenticity and creativity. This way, I have been able to lean into my own creativity. I have been able to feel more secure and confident in conflict. And EPT has helped me to be more flexible with myself and others.
If you are an R-type, a good practice is to put your hand on your heart when you are feeling stressed. Ask yourself, “Am I following my heart, or am I just doing what I’ve been taught to do?”
More Fun With Personality Types!
While I can’t flesh it out here, it is fun to also combine personality types and categories. For example, go over to my blog post on adult attachment styles and you can see how your defense type and your attachment style affects your relationships. If you’re not familiar with the Enneagram (which is basically NINE defense types), go check that out as well to see how these facets of yourself and your friends and family play out in real life. (If you care/are curious, I’m an R, sometimes avoidant attachment but mostly secure, and a 4 on the enneagram. I’ve learned to love my combo.)
S - Schizoid - The Ones That Float Away
My mom, Dr. Annette Cargioli (the inventor of EPT™), would call the S a “Space Cadet.” That is to say, when the poop hits the fan, they tend to avoid, float away, do something else. Or maybe they completely forget what happened in the conversation. While the R-type is very grounded in practicality, the S-type likes to float out of their body and do something else. This may sound like a trauma response (and it kind of is), but it could also simply be rooted in avoidance attachment styles. My youngest brother (out of 5 kids) is an S, and it’s probably simply because our house was wild and crazy with so many people. He was the youngest by 5 years, and couldn’t really do much by way of defending himself. So what does he do, floats away into a Gameboy or a tall glass of Sprite.
The S-type has to be very intentional to stay grounded and connect when they are feeling threatened. If you have a kid or a partner who is this way, a good way to get them to come back down into their body is to touch them while you talk. Better yet, put a hand on their abdomen, it helps keep them connected and engaged.
O - Oral - The Ones Where There Is Never Enough
When I think of the O-type, I think of them talking non-stop. They are one of the most difficult to spot in relationships because their true colors don’t always show until you get to know them. Then when you do get close enough, they suck your life away. What I mean by that is that they are desperate for love, attention, validation, and it never seems to be enough. Once they start to unwind into self-loathing, there is nothing you can do or say to convince them otherwise. Just ride the wave.
The O-type personality is that person who thinks that everyone hates them, but everyone knows that everyone loves them. It can be infuriating to be in a relationship with someone who is an O-type because you want them to just accept how awesome they are, but they just keep questioning themselves and if they are enough.
Honestly, the O-type can be a lot of fun because they aim to be loved and validated. So when they are in their best frame of mind, they can be great performers and friends. When they are not trying to get love and validation for themselves, a lot of the O-types that I know are very loving and validating people--and that’s a great quality to have.
M - Masochistic - The Ones Who Don’t Want To Be Controlled
The M is that person who comes out and asks you for your opinion on what outfit they might wear for the day, and then always pick the opposite of whatever your opinion was. You question yourself, “Why did they even bother to ask?” It was just to validate to themselves that they can’t be controlled. The M’s biggest fear is that someone is going to control them, and ironically, many of the M’s I know end up in super (borderline abusive) controlling relationships.
I have some great relationships with people who are the M-type, but as an R who wants to do the right thing all the time, M’s drive me nuts because they always do the opposite of what you want. They are described as masochistic because they will go so far as to hurt themselves just to prove that no one is controlling them. So when an M is in a conflict they are trying to figure out what you want, so that then they don’t do what you want, so then they are not controlled.
Again, ironically, M-type is probably the easiest to control--reverse psychology works great on them. A savvy more mature M knows better, but if you have a kid who is an M, that reverse psych will work like a charm.
I love M’s because the same way they know how to do the thing that will drive you crazy, they know the exact thing to make you feel loved and happy. They have some kind of intuitive super power when you are feeling down, they know exactly what it is you need to feel better and they will do it—because it’s the opposite. I tell all the M’s I know that this is true about them—they have helping superpowers when they want to use them.
P - Psychopath - The Ones Who Feel Betrayed
Being a P-type is probably the most difficult type. I don’t want this to be true, but it seems pretty true. When a P is in defense mode they are always 100% right about everything and they will conflict with you on everything. What they want more than anything is to feel listened to. And if they don’t feel listened to, then you have betrayed them.
The problem with the P-type always being right in their defensiveness is that they end up alienating themselves from everyone, and ultimately blame everyone else for their problems (because they can never be wrong). It can be kind of hard to get close to a P because they don’t really try to get to know you, and they don’t really care what you think, they just want to be right and listened to.
If you are in a relationship with a P-type, the way to make them happy is to listen and just repeat back to them whatever it is they said. If you repeat back to them what they said, they can’t disagree with themselves, and it will deescalate the conversation.
If you are someone who is a P-type, you have to let go of being right all the time and admit wrong. Well, that is if you want to have any deep meaningful connected relationships in your life.
Personally, I don’t usually mind the P-type as a friend because you just let them talk and talk and talk and talk, and they are super loyal to you. They can even be fun to have conversations and arguments with, they don’t take the argument personally, and they are usually very smart and helpful when you need them to be.
Be Less Defensive
If you want to heal these underlying patterns and be less defensive, Emotional Polarity Technique is a great place to start. Whether you want to be your true authentic self (R-type), connect more in your body (S-type), love yourself more (O-type), love others more (M-type), or listen better (P-type), the holistic therapy at open heart holistic therapy is built for you.