Stop Trying To Be Special and Be Grateful

I have a tendency to want to be unique and special. This is great because it helps me to be creative and competitive, but it also hurts me when I see that I’m not the only one to try something, or I see someone else does it better or is ahead of me. Or when I’m going through something hard and I think that no one can possibly understand.

Some also struggle with needing to be liked. Check out this post to learn more and like yourself more.

This feeling of needing to be special can be felt by anyone, but there is a personality type from the Enneagram that is especially prone to needing to be unique. This post is for all my enneagram 4s out there and anyone struggling with not feeling special (or feeling too special). 

If you’re not familiar with the enneagram, I will not try to explain it here. Basically, it is a personality type indicator kind of like the myers-briggs. In order to figure out your type from the 9 types, you read the descriptions and see how you identify. You will probably identify with two or three different types when you do this. However, the more attentive you are to yourself and your reactions, the quicker you’ll figure out what your most dominant type is, and for me, and for those of you who like to be special (different, unique, authentic), then you are probably a Enneagram 4. 

The Enneagram Institute has a test you can take, but you can also just read about the types and decide at this link here.

Even if you are not an Enneagram 4, there is still so much out telling us we are special. There is no one like us. Totally and completely unique. No one to be compared to. 

This is true, but it is also true that there are a lot more things that make us similar to other humans and other human experiences than not. 

One of the main problems with the “I’m special” line of thinking happens when unpleasant things start to happen in our lives:

• If I’m special, then NO ONE can help me or understand what I’m going through.

• If I’m special, I need some special treatment to get better. 

• If I’m special, then this thing should have never happened to me. 

• If I’m special, then I am entitled to this. 

• If I’m special, then I am not entitled to this. 

• If I’m special, then I can’t help anyone else.  

The “I’m special” line of thought impedes us from getting help or healing.

It becomes more important to be special than to be thankful and humble. Sure, circumstances can be quite unique, but the emotions and how you get through a challenge are mostly the same. That’s because we are all human, and we have more in common than not. Hence, not special.  

Yes, you are special. But at the same time you are definitely not special. 

It is important to lean into gratitude, joy, and all the good stuff when it comes to feelings of being special. Likewise, we have to avoid what I am prone to: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME--special feelings when things are difficult. 

That same attitude of needing to be special can also breed entitlement because I may believe I deserve something because I am special, and if I don’t get it, then my sense of special self becomes lost. Who am I if I’m not special?

The truth is that you are and always were worthy and good enough. Being special has nothing to do with it. 

Keeping this perspective helps us to be happy for others in their special and uniquely successful relationships and circumstances. And those good feelings will be reflected back to us when good specialness is coming our way. 

So for anyone who is an enneagram 4 or just needs to feel special, I get you, but don’t feel bad just because you’re not special! 

You are so cool and creative and have a million different directions you can go and make the world better. Let’s do it!

Here are some forgiveness statements and affirmations to help you let go of needing to be special:

I forgive myself for believing I need to be special.
I forgive myself for believing no one can understand what I’m going through.

I forgive myself for believing I’m only worthy if I’m unique and special. 

I forgive myself for believing others are only worthy if they are special. 

I forgive myself for believing that my life and experience are as good or worthy if they are not unique or special (compared to someone else). 

I forgive others for only loving me when I’m special.

I forgive others for teaching me that I am misunderstood/special.

I forgive others for believing it’s impossible to understand me. 

I forgive others for having the same feelings and ideas as me. 

I give others permission to forgive me when I blame them for feeling worthless when they don’t treat me special. 

I give others permission to forgive me when I don’t think they’re special. 

I give others permission to forgive me when I blame them for my unhappiness or lack of gratitude. 

I give myself permission to feel secure and happy letting others be worthy no matter what. 

I give myself permission to heal in an unspecial way. 

I give myself permission to be grateful and humble for my life and experiences. 

I give myself permission to love myself as a worthy and creative and incredible human. 

If you are struggling with happiness or gratitude, maybe it is because you need to be special. Reach out and make an appointment today. With the holistic therapy Emotional Polarity Technique we will get to the root of the issue and let it go with intuition, compassion and forgiveness.