4 Major Family Stresses And How To Handle Them
You are all grown up.
You think, “Yes! I am free from my family!” You think that you will finally be able to do whatever you want, and choose however you want to choose, but really, those family issues and challenging dynamics are JUST getting started.
Even if you choose to be completely cut off from family, generations of genes and history are circulating within you. You can’t escape your family, but you can love yourself, forgive, and reconcile into a place of healing, creativity and growth. That way, future generations can be free of the shame and brokenness that was bogging everyone down.
What are some things that cause these family conflicts, and what can you do to get through it?
1. Philosophical, Religious, Political, or Cultural Disagreements
Or to keep it even more simple, just, “Disagreements.” When a family member starts to break free of the toxic familial beliefs holding them back, it can cause a lot of conflict in the family. You hope and wish that parents and relatives would be happy that you are healing and growing, but it is not always received that way. This can be a good conflict to have, because it helps change the whole family system, and it helps you give more freedom to future generations.
With this kind of family conflict, it is important to let go of “winning” and respect each other. Here are some of the goals I work on with clients when they are experiencing this kind of family stress.
We work to let go of any shame or guilt that is felt because of choosing a different path.
We practice healthy communication, and accept, respect and honor other’s choices we don’t agree with.
Most importantly, we build confidence and security in the beliefs and values chosen apart from family.
If you are struggling to love and accept yourself where you are, it might be because you cannot accept and respect your family. Make an appointment today so we can dig into the root of these issues.
2. Money
Money is just energy. I have found with clients that no matter how much money they have, they continue to FEEL the same way:
not enough,
no one shares,
no one cares,
too expensive,
too cheap.
I help clients handle the negative energy and beliefs around money, so that the stress and conflict of it in family is much much less.
Check out these blog posts to let go of stressing about money:
How Do I Stop Stressing About Money
3. Family Trauma
There are so many things that can shake a family up, and I have encountered quite a few with my clients:
sudden unexpected death,
chronic illness,
physical/car accidents,
divorce,
or a severe or unexpected loss (lost job, house fire, money lost).
These traumas can start to bring up fears. They can create negative beliefs. They stir up the mind in a way that can’t be predicted, but can be healed.
Additionally, these types of traumas can also create new family stresses with philosophical disagreements or money.
Trauma like this can happen to any family, what is important is to get emotional support through the grief. Everyone can recover.
Check out this blog post on How To Handle Grief to get you through.
4. Family Secrets
What are you talking about “family secrets?” Well, there might be a legit secret, but there might also be some shame that everyone knows about , but NO ONE talks about. It could be an
affair,
addiction,
mental illness,
abuse of any kind,
miscarriage or abortion,
suicide,
murder…
The list of possible secrets is long.
Sometimes family traumas are also treated like secrets. It is rooted in deep-seated shame. It can be very painful when a secret starts to come out or when a secret starts to actually be addressed. Family might start to lie, they might get very angry, they may do the silent treatment.
These intense feelings are signs of intense healing and transformation.
It is possible for you to heal and change the secret so it doesn’t have to be repeated in your life or the generations after you. You do not have to straight up confront your family to deal with a secret. With the holistic therapy EPT, we get to the root of these secrets. So you are then able to let go of any trauma, accept your family where they are at in their own healing journey, and build your confidence in an authentic happy peaceful future.
More than anything, when dealing with family secrets, it is about acceptance. Accepting where you are. Accepting where they are. And accepting you do not have to live in the same place with the same secrets.
I have found that a lot of people’s stress, anxiety, depression--all relate back to some family stress, conflict or truama.
For example:
A person might be very stressed out at work, and it is related to their dad losing a job.
A person feels like they don’t belong or like something is missing in their life and it relates back to an adoption or abortion.
A person is financially successful, but feels like there is never enough and that is also how their parents felt about money.
A person feels shame or guilt because they are growing and healing in a different way than would be approved by family.
A person is having affairs and finds out later in life that their dad also had lots of affairs.
A person has a generational history of abuse.
A person has a generational history of chronic illness or unexpected death.
Handling all these stresses are going to be different depending on where you are in life. For those of us who are adults still struggling to handle parental stress, you can process and let go with love and without the negative emotional attachment.
Strategies to handle stress with your family:
Listening
Mindfulness meditation
Boundaries
“What’s REALLY the issue?”
Check your security--Do you feel secure in your relationship? The more secure you feel the better you will feel handling the conflict.
Get some help (whether a holistic therapist to support you emotionally or a friend to help you get some perspective).
Here are some statements to help let go of the stress:
I forgive myself for believing I have to be stressed with my family stress.
I forgive myself for believing I can’t feel happy or secure if my family has a stress.
I forgive myself for believing I have to hold on to the negative beliefs and patterns associated with my family in order to fix everything.
I forgive myself for believing I have to fix everything with my family.
I forgive myself for believing I have to feel shame in my family.
I forgive my family for being stressful, inauthentic, keeping secrets, or disagreeing.
I forgive my family for judging my transformation.
I forgive my family for shaming my healing and transformation.
I give my family permission to forgive me for shaming them.
I give my family permission to forgive me when I blame them for all my stress.
I give my family permission to forgive me when I disagree, keep secrets, or am angry and unkind.
I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid I’ll always have this family shame.
I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid that transformation and healing will just make things worse in my family.
I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid to change because of the shame I must face.
I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid the negative patterns will just persist.
I give myself permission to accept all the parts of myself that are like my family.
I give myself permission to accept I can heal and move on from the negative generational patterns in my family into love, creativity, light, and peace.
I give myself permission to live my life with authenticity, passion, love, and confidence.
I give myself permission to radically love myself (even the parts that are like my family).
Without this shame, I am free to love and accept myself and my family more.
Without this shame, I am free to use my power to love and help others more.
Without this shame, I am free to be myself in my family.
Without this shame, I am free to forgive more, and have more peace in my family and the generations after me.
If you are still struggling with family conflict, issues, stresses from the past or currently, make an appointment with Open Heart Holistic Therapy. There is freedom in healing. Reach out today.