Why Is Change So Hard? Affirmations To Help Kids & Adults With Transitions

Change is hard.

Transitions are one of the hardest things to handle for anyone: divorce, death, move, new job, new kid, going from all A’s to one B, losing when you were winning… As a school counselor, I would hear parents and teachers say about a child, “They really struggle with transitions.” That usually meant moving from one activity into a new activity, or going from home to the car, or the park to the car, or taking away the tablet, or introducing a new food. For as long as I can remember, when something good would happen that I wanted, because it was a change, I would struggle to be happy about it, at least at first. Even sometimes as an adult I say to myself, “Paige, you wanted this. You got it. What’s the problem?” The problem is that change is hard. It is just a fact of life and development. We constantly want growth and change, but also don’t want it. Whether wanted or unwanted, change will happen. 

Where does the stress of change come from?

From the moment we are conceived we are in constant flux and transition. Birth. Even when it is uneventful, is a wild and crazy ride for everyone involved. When these transitions are marked with poise, security, and grounding, then it is easier. When these transitions are marked with abandonment or trauma, then it is harder. The more positive and secure experiences we have with change, the easier, but there are always some that reignite those old negative beliefs and traumatic realities. It’s a mixed bag, but reminding yourself of where transition was good and that you can do it (because you did it!) will help get through those times where it feels impossible. 

How can I get through the change easier?

We don’t always know where or when, but we know that change will come for us, and there are number of ways to cushion yourself into the change. 

1. Prepare. Prepare. Prepare. 

For most kids (not all), supporting them through change means mentally preparing them. If it’s with TV time or the iPad, set a timer and be consistent about enforcing the rules. [Most] kids do well knowing what to expect consistently. If you are anticipating a big move, travel day, or new baby, write a short story about how the transitions will go and read it to your child. Likewise, if you are an adult expecting change–write how you expect/want it to go. You are letting your mind know before anything happens that you are confident and safe when change happens. 

Some kids with big trauma and attachment issues do not do good with this and will purposefully sabotage whatever you are planning as a way to feel control–reactive attachment disorder. Just know that if you have a kid with this challenge, the affirmations below will help, but the usual tactics that work with most kids, won’t work with a kid with this kind of trauma. 

2. Remember that other people have gone through it (and maybe you have too!)

For kids and adults, it is sometimes helpful to remember that you are not alone in this change or transition. And thousands of kids and adults have experienced it and have gone on to thrive. Remember a time for yourself that you got through something–and remember that you can do it again. Take a meditative moment of compassion and empathy for yourself and everyone who does this everyday because change is human. 

3. Be proactive. Have support built up around you. 

It’s not if, but when that the unknown will come and get you. Don’t be reactive, by proactive. Invest in your community and relationships. Invest in the love and care you have for yourself with regular physical activity, healthy eating, spiritual development, and mental health care. Don’t get a therapist just for a crisis, know a therapist before the crisis happens! Most people are not prepared to deal with a crisis, and you can’t account for everything, but you can have people who have your back when you’re down. This takes time and intentionality, don’t ignore it. 

4. Use these forgiveness statements and affirmations to help.

Here are some affirmations to help with transitions. Use these statements for yourself or your kids when it seems like the change is too hard. Say the statements out loud and breathe after each statement. 

I forgive myself for believing that change is always hard and bad, and I have to be reminded of old traumas that were marked by change.

I forgive myself for believing that this frustration and insecurity about change will always be this way in my life. 

I forgive myself for believing my parents have to change and be more secure before I can let go and be confident in myself through the change. 

I forgive myself for believing this difficulty with transition is all my fault. 

I forgive myself when I make change harder than it should be. 

I forgive myself for believing I can never handle change. 

I forgive myself for holding on to old negative beliefs and trauma associated with difficult change. 

I forgive myself for believing that I can’t move confidently and seamlessly from one thing to another without getting what I want first. 

I forgive myself for believing I have to be ready for change before I can let it happen. 

I forgive myself for believing I can only feel secure if I control the change. 

I forgive myself for believing I have to feel out of control when there is change. 

I forgive myself when I resist change.

I forgive others when they don’t understand why the transition is so hard. 

I forgive others when they don’t make the transition easier. 

I forgive others for hurting my feelings when change is hard. 

I forgive others when they don’t understand how hard it is for me to transition. 

I forgive others for hunting my feelings when they wouldn’t change the way I wanted. 

I forgive others for hurting my feelings when they made the change happen. 

I forgive others when they forced me to change and I felt out of control. 

I give others permission to forgive me when I am not secure or confident in the change. 

I give others permission to forgive me when I blame them for why I feel insecure in the transition. 

I give others permission to forgive me when they feel hurt by a change I am making. 

I give others permission to forgive me when I don’t want to change because of them.

I give others permission to forgive me when I make good or necessary change more difficult. 

I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid that I’ll never be able to transition with love, security, and confidence. 

I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid I’m not ready for change. 

I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid that the change won’t be what I want. 

I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid it is impossible for me to change until someone else changes. 

I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid changing will be bad for me. 

I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid I have to control the change. 

I give myself permission to accept that I can choose to be ready for change. 

I give myself permission to feel more confidence and security in transition. 

I give myself permission to move more confidently and seamlessly from one transition to another with confidence and security. 

I give myself permission to remember when I successfully got through the change. 

I give myself permission to welcome change.

I give myself permission to feel free in the transition.

I give myself permission to let go of old traumatic change and trust in my ability to get through.

I give myself permission to be surrounded by loving and helpful people through the change.