Honor Your Past For Freedom In A Better Future
I wonder about blood.
For myself, I have a fairly basic, easily traced family tree on both sides of my family. I don’t know everything, but I know a lot of the good, bad, and ugly. I wonder how those generations before me are influencing me. And I wonder how I can stop them from influencing me so I can live my life to the fullest--honoring the gifts the generations have given me, and reconciling (escaping? forgiving?) the curses.
Whether you know a lot or a little about your background family blood, there’s nothing you can do to change the past circumstances, but you can honor where you are in the present. You can change the way you feel now, so that you can make a well-discerned and conscious choice outside the major blood influencer genetic code etc. for good or bad.
So many of my clients (and myself included) look back at the patterns, decisions, repetition, and wonder,
“What was I thinking?”
“Why did I do the same thing again?”
“Why is my partner just like my mom (dad, brother, abuser)?”
“Why am I in ANOTHER abusive relationship?”
“Why did I lose ANOTHER job?”
“Why did I have another car accident?”
“Why do I want to die?”
“Why is my kid exactly like that family member I hate?”
“Why did I end up here again, just like that person before me?”
“Why didn’t I make the obviously better choice?”
Well, it’s not all your fault. Genetics and generational influence is a scary and wonderful thing. Gratitude for them and where you are now is the only way forward into new life. Better life. Freedom.
But how, Paige?!?!?!?!
Well, it depends on where you’re at. Below are three possibilities of where you might be:
I’m mostly disconnected from my family history. I have no idea what’s going on back there.
So you don’t know. This could be because you were adopted. Your family doesn’t talk about anything. You have a very small family. Everyone in your family has died. Or you just don’t like them, and stay away.
If you can figure a little bit more out, it will help you. Ask who you can. Learn more about who you are and where you come from. Do one of those genetics tests. Connect to your cultural roots without family guidance. Find a distant relative.
If that’s not a possibility, that’s ok too. Meditate and pray for the guidance of your ancestors. Thank them for your life now. Embrace the gifts that you have even though you don’t know where they come from.
Let go of needing to know, and reflect on how you want your life to be for the generations beyond you. And even if you don’t have a blood relative or child, you can still have an impact on your community to make the world better. Trust that you are where you need to be now to make a better future for all that come after you.
Here are some statements for being disconnected from family:
I forgive myself for believing I can’t know who I am.
I forgive myself for believing I don’t know who I am.
I forgive myself for believing I have to protect myself by being disconnected from people in the present (because I am disconnected from my past).
I forgive myself for believing my past only screwed me up.
I forgive myself for denying the gifts from the generations before me.
I forgive the generations before me for being disconnected.
I give others permission to forgive me for disconnecting from them as a way to protect myself.
I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid I’ll never know.
I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid things will be worse.
I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid my past sucks or not worth knowing.
I love and accept myself being a part of the people who made me.
I love and accept myself because that’s what I would want for the generations after me.
I give myself permission to be free to make my life better and better for others through the gifts my ancestors and God has given me.
I give myself permission to trust I am where I need to be.
I give myself permission to be open to know and speak truth in the present.
I give myself permission to honor and love all who came before me and make me.
I give myself permission to be free to choose my family.
2. I know my family, but patterns keep repeating themselves, and I don’t want that for my future family: divorce, abuse, losers, illnesses, emotional issues, bad relationships, murder, crime, drugs, death, etc.
Everyone in your family is divorced. You’ve been in multiple abusive relationships. Everyone in your family feels like failures. Bad relationships keep repeating themselves. There’s a big secret.
This is where EPT can really shine because you know and own your screwed-up-ness, simultaneously owning that you know there is a better way. This is the perfect place for healing.
It depends on the exact issue, but here are some statements to get you started:
I forgive myself for believing I need to fix this generational issue by getting in the same situation.
I forgive myself for believing that my issue is EXACTLY the same as the generations before me.
I forgive myself for believing I can’t know any other way.
I forgive others for teaching me this way, and not demonstrating another option.
I give others permission to forgive me when I repeat old patterns.
I give others permission to forgive me for blaming them for my lack of creativity in choices.
I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid I’ll repeat the pattern again, and it will hurt me and the generations after me.
I give myself permission to let go of the old way so I can be more creative and loving in the present with the people I love.
I give myself permission to honor my family and my parents who made bad choices (so I don’t have to anymore).
I give myself permission to accept we all do things that are good and bad.
I give myself permission to accept the parts of myself that are from the family that I don’t like.
I give myself permission to be different than my family.
I give myself permission to love myself and others being different with the gifts they’ve been given.
I give myself permission to let go of the family patterns that no longer serve me.
3. I love my family, but still want freedom from whatever trauma is being ignored or excluded (death, drug abuse, pedophilia, suicide, mental illness, murder, crime, money issues, health issues) so I can do new amazing things outside the generational bubble.
Again, you are so there. You are ripe and ready for healing and change no matter how gritty and dirty it gets. We are phoenixes.
Here are even more statements for you:
I forgive myself for believing I can’t be free without knowing my past completely.
I forgive others for keeping secrets that hurt and create negative patterns in my life.
I give others permission to forgive me when I keep secrets.
I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid I’ll never know what’s holding me back.
I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid I won’t be able to love my family or myself.
I give myself permission to make choices outside of the family secrets impacting me.
I give myself permission to let go of the generations of family secrets so I can build and create a new story of love, respect and honor.
I give myself permission to feel worthy of more and better than what the generations before me had (because that’s what they worker for, and that’s what I want for my future).
I give myself permission to be free.
I give myself permission to love others by giving them freedom.
I give my kids permission to be free to be different and better than me beyond our shared history.
I give myself permission to honor myself and my history, known and unknown.
What I love to see in the work that I do with EPT is how a person can tell me their story, and the story of their parents, and their grandparents, and their current history is almost always better than their family previously.
Generations before were financially unstable, but now they are more financially stable.
Generations before were abused and no one talked about it, now they do talk about it, and it happens less or not at all.
Generations before had babies as teenagers, and now, they wait.
The current generation is more stable than the previous.
But there are things that can throw it off--suicide, sudden death or loss, pandemic, big move, burned house down, abuser, mental health issues. Some families have more or less, some people are more or less protected from it, but most of the time the issues get better through the generations, not worse.
Two steps forward, one step back, as they say. But that step back can feel like a total and complete downtrend.
Know this: You are doing a good job, the best you can, and things ARE getting better.
Blood doesn’t have the last word.
If you’re feeling stuck in a pattern, and you know it’s that past nagging at you, EPT can help. Schedule your appointment today!