Get Out Of Survivor Mode And Thrive!

Adulthood has a lot going on. There are bills to pay. There are children to feed and please. There are friends who want to hang out. There is shopping to do. There are parents who need you. There is work work work. I don’t know about you, but the “To Do List” is constantly running through my brain. Days can go by without a second of feeling present or connected. I’m in survivor mode. You might also call it “trauma brain,” and there are a couple modes you can expect when you’re living life this way. 

Phase 1: Fight or Flight Mode

Besel van der Kolk in his book The Body Keeps The Score describes two ways the brain reacts to trauma. The first phase is “Fight or Flight” mode. The bear is chasing you. You are running. You are fighting. You are going to survive. You are go go go fear, anxiety, adrenaline are all doing their job to keep you alive. If you are not hyper focused, then you might be caught and die. 

That’s great when you are being chased by a bear, but if it’s your boss, that’s not exactly how that biological mechanism is supposed to work. So, when you go into fight or flight mode in your everyday life it might look a lot like anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, going over things in your head over and over. You’re hyper aware of what you have to do to survive, and nothing and no one else matters. 

Phase 2: Freeze Mode

Phase 2 is “Freeze” mode. In the example of the bear, you are either completely still hiding, or the bear has caught you, and your brain protects you by basically blacking out or dissociating. The way this works in everyday life is a person who is so overwhelmed they go on autopilot. The person who is able to dissociate is actually very impressive. They can be super productive and even social, but they are not really there in flow, thriving, or connecting. They are still just trying to survive.

These different survival modes exist to help us survive when our life is literally threatened. Unfortunately, we often feel this fight, flight, or freeze mode when our partner asks us to do something. Or our child is screaming that they want something. Or when there is a lot to do. 

Staying in that mode may seem safe, but it actually raises your stress hormones, keeps them high, and can literally make you sick. If you are always in survival mode (even though you’re not being eaten by a bear), it will hurt your mind and body. 

So how do we get out of this? 

Connect to your body

A good place to start is connecting to your body. Do some mindfulness. Go to yoga. Breathe. Focus on your breath. Count to ten. Feel the breeze. Smell a flower. Eat a delicious meal and be grateful for every bite. 

For myself, I like to go for a walk and look at nature. I try my best to stay present and notice what’s around me. The walk helps to let go of the to do list for a minute and just be. It will all get done. 

Connect with others

Get out of your own mind and find out what the people you love are up to. Listen. Goof off. Have fun. Stop thinking about yourself for a second and enter into another person’s world. Maybe a toddler is fighting for your attention--take time to give it to them. Maybe your partner is needy, be generous. 

Volunteer. Get out into the world and help someone. Go to a meet up group, or a networking event. We all need each other to grow and thrive and make the world a better place. So know that simply enjoying others is a good and useful way to use your time and get out of trauma brain. 

See a therapist. You cannot do it all on your own. It might be that you have a secret that you haven’t told anyone, and it blocks you from feeling like anyone really knows you. You might feel like you can’t fully know yourself. Reaching out and getting help with a professional is a great way to start connecting to others when you feel like no one can understand. 

Make an appointment to see how holistic therapy can help you!

Connect with God. 

What is your spiritual purpose? Why are you here? What legacy do you want to leave? Find a way to connect to God and Spirit--the idea that there is something way bigger than you out there. The truth that you exist to be loved and to love others. Find and commit to a spiritual home just like you commit to yourself and others. Open up to new ways of getting in touch with God’s love and your spiritual side. 

The to do list is always small potatoes next to my purpose for being here. Takes the pressure off. 

Forgiveness Connects All Three

With Emotional Polarity Technique and the science of forgiveness, it helps you be able to let go and finally connect to yourself, others, and spirit in new and creative ways. 

Forgiveness builds connection at all levels so you can finally open up and be more present and connected in your family, relationships, and work. You can enjoy life instead of just get through it. 

Learn more here with my blog post on the 6 most powerful affirmations and forgiveness statements!

Sometimes we get off track or something send us for a loop, but there is always a way back and that’s where we are able to become more grateful, kind, generous, and creative. 

Below are some statements to get you connected again:

Best to practice these by saying them out loud and taking a deep breath after.

I forgive myself for believing I can’t connect without feeling afraid. 

I forgive myself for believing it is too scary to connect. 

I forgive myself for believing connecting means more grief and loss. 

I forgive myself for believing I can’t handle another loss. 

I forgive myself for believing I’ll be ashamed or die if I’m present. 

I forgive myself for believing my presence is unimportant or doesn’t matter. 

I forgive others for disconnecting from me and making me afraid to lose another person.

I forgive others for believing my presence doesn’t matter. 

I forgive others for rejected me when I tried to connect. 

I forgive others for abandoning me. 

I give others permission to forgive me when I reject them. 

I give others permission to forgive me when I leave them. 

I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid to connect and be hurt. 

I love and accept myself even when the person I love isn’t there. 

I love and accept myself having faith and trust in who I am and my purpose.

I give myself permission to accept I can choose to connect. 

I give myself permission to accept and love my spiritual purpose. 

I give myself permission to accept I can love the ugly parts of myself. 

I give myself permission to be loved by others. 

I give myself permission to be loved by God. 

I give myself permission to feel confident and worthy and secure being loved. 

I give myself permission to feel confident and worthy and secure finding my path. 

I give myself permission to accept I can thrive and be present in my to do list. 

I give myself permission to thrive instead of survive.