Ditch The Toxic Positivity
Not to be overly negative, but there is a thing that exists, and it’s called “Toxic Positivity”. It’s probably not you, but definitely at least one of your friends on the internet that is just happy and positive ALL. THE. TIME. There isn’t a minute to acknowledge any other feeling. And if there are feelings of grief, sadness, disappointment, stress, broken-heartedness, then they are immediately positivified (?).
It’s time to ask some questions:
Is the positivity hurting your process of feeling and being a human being?
Is the positivity bulldozing reality?
Is the positivity hurting another person?
Is the positivity hurting my ability to empathize?
Is the positivity an excuse not to take action?
If the answer is “Yes” to any of those questions, it might be toxic positivity.
There is a lot to be positive about
Don’t get me wrong, I think there is a lot to be positive about, and I am on the more optimistic side of the spectrum. When you get to that place of enlightenment, wisdom, insight, generosity, humility, compassion, mercy--everything is a gift and everyone is your teacher--BUT in the moment, that insight is not always helpful. When someone has experienced abuse or genocide, saying “everything is a gift” is offensive.
Everything is a gift?
While people are literally being hurt. While there are injustices. While people hoard resources. While there is racism. While there is death that can be prevented.
I do not think positivity is the answer.
I do not think that hope is the answer.
I do not think a blind unified unity is the answer.
The answer is to genuinely connect with the hurt in yourself and with others.
Remember when you were hurt.
Remember when you hurt someone else.
Remember life isn’t fair, but we can fight for justice.
Remember when you were disappointed or disappointed someone else.
Remember no one owes anyone anything, but we all ought to care for each other, even if only for the reason that we all live on this planet together.
Connecting to each other’s humanity is our only hope. And witnessing that connection is something to be positive about.
That positivity better turn to real action.
Action in loving your neighbor.
Action in showing up (not just “posting”).
Action in connecting across “enemy” lines.
Action in speaking truth.
Action in accepting truth.
Action in writing, art, music.
Action in loving and caring for myself and the healing process.
Action in respect.
Action in social justice.
Action in education.
Action in generosity.
Action in caring for the orphan, widow, cancer survivor, differently abled, sexually abused, physically neglected, abandoned, queer, poor, war-torn human next door.
Action in creating and implementing policies that make all the above easier.
The very reason that someone can have toxic positivity is because of the people who fight and take action for the list above.
In my open heart holistic therapy practice, I’m doing my best to hold the line between the hurt and the hope. I’m doing my best to help my clients process the hurt and move into new creative action that makes their life and the world a better place.
Forgiveness may seem like a big leap, it is ultimately about reconnecting to all the parts of myself that I don’t like to look at. And in that connection, I’m better able to reach out to others. I’m able to help my clients reach out to others.