Creating Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries. Let’s talk about them. While we can’t walk around with a “no trespassing,” sign to set boundaries with friends, family, and co-workers, we can actively communicate what our boundaries are to take charge of your life, your personal space, and your emotional wellbeing.  

We can set boundaries for:  

• Personal space 

• Sexuality 

• Emotions  

• Thoughts 

• Possessions  

• Time  

• Energy 

• Culture 

• Opinions

• Politics

Now, setting boundaries for yourself is not an exact science and in all honesty, isn’t always easy. It’s not easy because the way we operate with or without boundaries has been set since our childhood. Maybe you had a parent who overshared and expected you, as the child, to be their emotional support—and now you resent them for it. Maybe you had a family where there were unspoken rules about what you could and could not talk about and that made you feel alone. So now, you’re afraid to share about yourself or be yourself.  Boundary issues are often rooted in past relationships being too much or not enough.

Balance is the key. Whether you want to set clear rules with your friends or family or assert your boundaries when it comes to strangers or co-workers, here’s how to get started... 

Understanding Boundaries  

First, let’s talk about the benefits of boundaries. I know the word “boundary” can be a little misleading. Isn’t a boundary something that separates? Well, technically yes, but in terms of the boundaries we set up in our everyday lives, boundaries provide healthy rules to navigate through relationships, whether intimate or professional. 

Boundaries can:  

• Bolster self-esteem 

• Conserve emotional energy 

• Allow for more independence and energy 

Let’s delve a little deeper… 

Boundaries Improve and Bolster Self-Esteem 

Basically, boundaries protect relationships from becoming unsafe or uncomfortable. If you look at it this way, boundaries actually bring us closer rather than pushing us further apart. Bottom line: boundaries are necessary for any relationship. Having clear boundaries allows you to make yourself a priority in your life which is important for self-care, career goals, or within relationships.  

Emotional Polarity Technique™ finds root issues and uses the science of forgiveness to help you break old patterns and live your life so you can feel happier and more relaxed. Call me today -- 813-922-8768 -- or book a free 30-minute chat.   

Your Boundaries Can Be a Bit Flexible  

Boundaries don’t have to be written in stone. The best part is that as you grow and change as a person, you are able to change and reassess your boundaries. Like was mentioned before, you may have been set up as a child to emotionally support your parent—that wasn’t your job then, but you could be an adult friend and support to them now. It’s your choice now.

So you can see it's important not to isolate yourself with too rigid or inflexible boundaries. Making your choice out of love and compassion for yourself and others as an adult navigating your relationships—that’s healthy boundaries.  

Boundaries protect relationships from becoming unsafe or uncomfortable. Boundaries actually bring us closer rather than pushing us further apart. 

Boundaries Can Help Conserve Emotional Energy 

Without proper boundaries, your self-esteem can be impacted if you build resentment towards others due to your inability to assert or advocate for yourself.  

Make sure to maintain enough energy to care for yourself. Setting boundaries helps with this! While you might be happy to lend a hand helping your friend with a move or a project, that doesn’t mean that you have to get involved with her latest life drama. Set boundaries to care for your mental and emotional energy. 

Are past trauma or preconceived beliefs about yourself holding you back in life? Open Heart Holistic can help! Call me today for a free 30-minute consultation -813-922-8768! 

How to Build Better Boundaries and Maintain Them:  

• Name your limits (physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual limits) 

• Tune into your feelings such as discomfort or resentment (if you feel these, the interaction might be crossing your boundaries, or reminding you of a past relationship where your boundaries were crossed)

• Be direct. If you are uncomfortable or upset, share it.  

• Give yourself permission to set and enforce boundaries  

• Practice self-awareness & make self-care a priority  

• Start small. Setting boundaries takes courage, practice, and support. Build on small successes.  

• Be assertive. Once you set boundaries, follow through with them. 

• Seek support. If you are having trouble setting boundaries, seek help whether from a friend, a church group, or a therapist.  

Related: How EPT™ Therapy Can Strengthen Your Relationship  

Affirmations for Creating Healthy Boundaries  

Try these affirmations to help set boundaries in important relationships:   

• I forgive myself for believing if I set boundaries I’ll lose my relationships. 

• I forgive myself for believing I can’t be myself with who I love. 

• I forgive others for crossing my boundaries. 

• I give others permission to forgive me when I cross their boundaries. 

• I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid to keep my boundaries.  

• I give myself permission to feel worthy of respect. 

• I give myself permission to feel deserving of setting and maintaining boundaries that serve me. 

• I give myself permission to feel calm and content when gaining clarity on the boundaries that best serve me.  

• I give myself permission to feel safe and secure sharing my boundaries with others.  

• I give myself permission to feel joy and happiness in the boundaries I’ve set and not feel wrong if I don’t meet other’s expectations of me.

Stop spending time trying to please and pacify others — your feelings don’t have to be dictated by someone else. Have the courage to identify your rights and boundaries. Overtime, you’ll find it’s easier to honor them.  

Related: Signs It’s Time To Consider Therapy  

Boundaries Are Here to Help Us 

Navigating through relationships and life would be pretty hard without boundaries, wouldn’t it?  

Honor them for yourself, but create space for other’s boundaries too. Do you have kids? They need to know that it’s safe to be themselves and that they don’t need to emotionally support their parent. Both sides of the relationship should feel their needs are met. Here are tips to help: 

• Watch for cue’s such as eye contact, backing up, nervousness, folding arms, backing up, limiting conversation responses, flinching, etc. These can indicate their comfort level and need for more space.  

• Ask. If unsure, ask if it’s ok to hug or ask a personal question.  

• Be inclusive. Not everyone follows traditional cues, especially those with neurodiverse behaviors such as autism. Their social cues are very different from ours.  

• Bottom line: be kind and treat others as you would want to be treated. (Yes, the Golden Rule! Like EPT, it works.) 

Seek Support from Open Heart Holistic Therapy 

If you are having trouble honoring or setting boundaries, I can help! Oftentimes, there are underlying issues behind why you can’t set boundaries or have very rigid boundaries.  

Past trauma can have a big impact on your day-to-day life, and if this is causing you to be stuck, or causing you to not be able to set emotional or physical boundaries, Emotional Polarity Technique™ can help!  

Call (813) 922-8768 or schedule a FREE 30-minute consultation with me, Paige Cargioli, to get started today. Learn how to forgive and set boundaries so you can move forward with your life!