Let Go Of Needing To Be Liked
Letting Go Of Needing To Be Liked
A couple weeks ago I was inspired to create a short video to help people let go of needing to be liked. You can check it out on instagram here, or watch it at the end of this post.
Anyway, needing to be liked is something that I struggle with, and sometimes it prevents me from trusting myself or being authentic because I’m simply people pleasing. When you are worried about what other people think, or worried that they don’t like what you are doing, it prevents you from relaxing to be yourself or genuinely connect with others.
You want people to like you as you, not as someone else. And if they don’t like you being you, then why do you need them to like you?
Where does needing to be liked come from? Here are a few reason why we feel like we need to be liked…
Or you can just skip to the video and affirmations statements right now!
Parents demanding a certain expectation or never approve...
You may have grown up with parents where no matter how hard you tried, it was never good enough. There may have been a near impossible standard you were expected to keep, and if you didn’t, then there would be hell to pay. But it might not have just been your parents with this expectation, it might have been someone else, which leads to another reason:
Teenage drama and not fitting in...
That teenage brain is just DYING to fit in somewhere. Sure, there is that kid who acts like no one understands them and they’re weird, etc etc, but they always find their people, and yes, there are plenty of people who can get them, love them, like them, and give them a place of belonging. BUT sometimes we get stuck in that teenage brain of thinking like we have to be liked by everyone. It’s like we are in fight or flight survival mode desperate for the other person’s approval.
Unrequited love…
Sometimes your heart is so broken by a love that is not returned (by a friend, parent, lover), that we get stuck desperately looking for approval, love, validation, LIKING from anyone and everyone. It’s like we’re trying to prove to ourselves that we are worthy, and the person who didn’t return the love is the weirdo (because, “See, everyone likes me.”)
Check out my post “How To Heal a Broken Heart” here to read more…
Having unlikeable parents, relatives, friends…
Perhaps you are the black sheep in your family, but in a good way. No one seems to get along with anyone you grew up with, but YOU, they LOVE you. You find yourself making up for the unlikable community you grew up in, as a way to make up for them. This is a good thing, it has gotten you where you are to be the likable successful person you are, but it doesn’t have to be everyone.
Fear of rejection or abandonment
Here we go. What does it mean if someone doesn’t like me?
They don’t love me.
I didn’t something wrong.
I failed (see below).
I will be abandoned.
I will be/am rejected.
I’m alone.
No one likes me.
There is a plethora of self critic and negative self talk that goes along with not being liked. So, I just avoid it and make sure everyone likes me and is happy with me all the time. Yeah, no, that’s not sustainable.
Let go of needing to earn others love and check out the healing blog post here!
Fear of Failure
If someone doesn’t like me, that means I have failed. So, again, avoid the fear and just make sure everyone likes you all the time. Which. Is. Impossible.
Stop doing it.
Survival
Alright, the truth is that people need people to survive. It is true that being likable is necessary for your survival (some more than others). But again, sometimes we get stuck in survival mode, and then we struggle to connect, and then relationships are just tools for our survival. That is depressing. Chances are you were unlikable at some point in time (toddler/teenager) and survived—remember that :)
I know there are many reasons that people get stuck feeling like they need to be liked, and these are just a few. If you’d like to figure out why you might feel stuck, or you want your own affirmations, set up an appointment with me! We’ll get at it so you can love yourself more even when someone doesn’t like you (or you just think they don’t)
Affirmation statements to help let go of needing to be liked:
I forgive myself for believing I need to be liked by everyone.
I forgive myself for believing I will be abandoned, rejected, or die if I’m not liked.
I forgive myself for believing I am a failure if I’m not liked.
I forgive myself for believing I can’t feel happy confident or worthy unless I’m liked.
I forgive others when they don’t like me (even if I did everything right).
I forgive others when their expectations are too high.
I forgive others when they don’t value me.
I give others permission to forgive me when I don’t like them.
I give others permission to forgive me when I blame them for my fear when they don’t like me.
I give others permission to forgive me when I reject them.
I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid I’ll never be liked by them.
I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid I won’t like their approval.
I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid I won’t be good enough to be liked.
I love and accept myself even when I’m afraid there is something inherently wrong with me.
Without this pattern, I am free to feel happy, confident, and worthy even when I’m not liked.
Without this pattern I am free to feel happy, confident, and worthy being myself and not being liked.
Without this pattern I am free to be my authentic self even if someone doesn’t like it.
Without this pattern I am free to let go of the survival mode I’ve been in, and see I am alive and thriving.
Without this pattern I am free to cultivate deep meaningful relationships where we love one another.
Without this pattern I am free to let go of old relationships that were just for survival.
Without this pattern I am free to let go of old relationships where I had to fight to be liked.
Without this pattern I am free to open up creatively and authentically with my purpose and where I belong.