How To Improve Your Relationship With Your Mom
Family is often at the forefront of our minds. But, if you have a strained relationship with your mom, it can be difficult to enjoy life milestones and holidays.
I am blessed to have a great relationship with my mom, but we are no strangers to tension and strain. If there is tension between you and your mom, just know that you CAN take steps to repair the strained relationship, it’ll just take some work.
Where do you begin? Here are a few of my favorite ways to open your heart, and start strengthening your relationship with your mom:
Reach Out
You can start to heal and forgive. Before you can start to heal, you have to open up the lines of communication with yourself and then your mom. If meeting in person isn’t an option right now, a phone call, or a card that says that you are thinking of her will go a long way.
If you already are talking to your mom, you may be avoiding what is causing the tension in your relationship, consider setting up a time to sit down and talk, so you can really get to the heart of the issue.
If your mom has passed away or maybe you don’t know who your mom is, there are still ways to honor and respect the parts of yourself that are like her. There are ways to love and forgive and let go so that you can be fully you. Mom is always with us, whether we like it or not, better to heal and reconcile for your own good and your children.
Need to reach out me first to feel in a better place? Make the call to set up an appointment!
Be Compassionate
Go easy on yourself and your mom. Remind yourself that you are both doing the best you can. Of course, showing compassion doesn’t mean that you are going to completely dismiss past pain or difficulties, but you can learn to recognize that not everyone will make decisions, or do things that you think are best. This is what makes us human. We all make mistakes.
Our childhoods and how we were raised can make a big impact on our future selves. One way to start to understand where your mom is coming from is to ask her about her childhood which may give you a better sense of why she responds the way she does.
Even more fun, get your birth story from your mom. Some mom’s will volunteer this information easily and often, but others don’t ever say a word. If you don’t know, ASK! Were you planned? Was it an easy pregnancy? Was it an easy or hard birth? What did your mom expect? What was your mom afraid of? What other names were picked out? It’s amazing how the stories of our birth can be reflected in our current lives, healing, and growth. You spent a whole nine months very close to her, feeling her heartbeat, and every blessing, trauma, and emotion went through you at the same time. Know your story for better healing, insight and understanding.
Seek Understanding
We all walk through our lives with our own unique perspectives. You and your mom might just see things differently, and that’s ok. Sometimes our familiarity with someone, especially a parent (or child), can make us feel more unwilling to be flexible in a way that we aren’t with other people.
Seek understanding. You may not agree, ever, but seeking understanding will open you up to connect and love your mom despite your differences. Don’t get defensive, ask questions, even if she never asks you. Open up to really listening and understanding can help you heal, forgive, and move forward. If you’re unable to understand where she is coming from, how will you be able to understand yourself?
Of course, if understanding is getting you nowhere, it’s ok to disengage and have boundaries again. Stay on what you know are “safe” topics until you’re ready to get real again.
Listen
When I talk about listening, I mean to truly listen.
Instead of preparing your response to what your mom has to say, actively listen. When talking to your mom, clear your mind, and focus on what she is saying. Don’t think about a rebuttal, why she might be wrong, or judging her thoughts.
Try to take a step back and aim to understand. Active listening is something that we all could use a little work on, and it will strengthen your understanding of what your mom is communicating to you.
Ultimately, what we all want is genuine connection. How is she trying to connect with you?
Set Realistic Expectations
We often have an idea in our heads that our relationship with our mom should be perfect like in the movies. Bottom line: neither of you is able to live up to those expectations. This leads to conflict and resentment, two things that don’t allow for a healthy relationship.
Set realistic expectations when it comes to interactions with your mom. Doing so will mitigate any disappointment and anger.
Speak truth, but don’t expect the truth to force a change. Let your authentic self be, and know that you are enough (with or without your mom’s approval or transformation).
Remember: all relationships are unique. Don’t compare your relationship to the ones you see on TV, or to your friend’s relationships. Just focus on how you can improve your current family relationship.
Related Reading: Creating Healthy Boundaries
Forgive
We all make mistakes. Your mom has made and will make many more mistakes. You’ve made mistakes too.
Be open to forgiveness, because this is the only way to truly heal. If your mom has apologized for her actions, be willing to forgive and move forward. But don’t ever let her (or anyone else) keep hurting you. See the link to boundaries above.
Not All Relationships Can Be Repaired
But your relationship with yourself can be.
In relationships, it takes two to repair things. With mom, find out if she is ready and willing to make amends. If you receive a response that is an attack, or full of blame, unfortunately, it will be difficult to take the steps towards mending the relationship.
Taking a break is ok. If a relationship is toxic, you need to do what is best for you.
And remember, changing how you are able to feel and respond with your mom (or in any relationship) will change the other person and the dynamics of the relationship.
Moving Forward with Open Heart Holistic
At Open Heart Holistic Therapy, we start to let go of those old feeling and toxic dynamics so you can choose what’s best for you and the relationship, even if that means letting go. Rebuilding your relationship with your mom may take a little patience and understanding. It can be very challenging if you don’t have the desired relationship with a parent. The best thing to do is acknowledge that and then make some plans to reconnect in a different more healing way for yourself and the people you love. That’s exactly what we do here.
If you want to learn ways to better your relationship with your mom, Emotional Polarity Technique™ can help! We will discuss the root of your pain, and then you will learn how to forgive and move forward!
Call (813) 922-8768 or schedule a FREE 30-minute consultation with me, Paige Cargioli, to get started today. In as short as just one call you can learn how to forgive and set boundaries so you can move forward with your life!